If I had gotten my way!!

I decided it was time to pull out a tub and pack away all Deacon's baby toys. As I was doing it I was overcome with a very sad feeling. Packing away all those things meant that Deacon is not a little baby anymore and that made this momma sad.

In that same moment I found joy in the fact that I would one day soon climb up to the attic and bring down this tub one more time!!

Then this thought went thru my mind..."not if you had gotten your way".

My way would of consisted of 3 kids. 2 boys and 1 girl. Just what I had always wanted. Hmmmm...or so I thought! I am so glad that God had different plans for us!

First off, I cannot imagine my life without my precious Deacon in it. He has filled me with so much joy and my heart with so much love. I am so glad that I have 3 sons and that I get to see each of their faces everyday.

I also can't imagine all the other things I would have missed if "I had gotten my way".

God used that whole situation to open my eyes to His love for the orphan and the role He wanted us to play in that. After seeing the Lord work in so many ways thru not only our family but many others, my faith has grown and my relationship with the Lord has deepened. I do not think my heart will ever be the same.

That is not the only relationship that has grown. This process has brought me and Dillon closer together. We were so sure that God was leading us to adopt but were not certain what everyone would think about it. We decided that it didn't matter and that together we would step out in obedience. There is just something about watching your man follow the Lord...gets me every time!! :)

I would have also missed out on my daughter, the gift God has for us. Even though I have never seen her face or touched her, I know she is something I don't want to miss.

While typing this I began to think about all the times that I have told the boys "I am not telling you no to be mean, I am telling you no because that is the best thing for you". Alot of the times they just don't understand my reasons behind things. I think I can be this same way when it comes to my relationship with God. I think it would work good one way and then when God chooses something different sometimes I don't understand. But I need to trust that there is always purpose behind his decisions and they are definitely for our greater good.

So, even though I can be a lil' spoiled at times and be upset if I don't get my way, I am eternally grateful to our Lord that this time I didn't.